Let me know what you think of my flash fiction story. Comments are always welcome.
Oppressive, prickly pain. It began a few
days ago and I’m literally
going out of my mind. I’d taken the dogs for a romp
in the woods,
and figured I’d trespassed into a toxic bush or plant of some sort.
At
first my flesh tingled like a million skittering spiders were
beneath the surface, I
started to scratch. And scratch, and scratch.
My incessant fingernail abrasions produced
scores of welts. I
looked like a victim of abuse, and felt like one.
Since
I looked like a bloated red leper, I’d called in sick to
work the past two
days. Slathering anti-itch lotions and soaking in
the tub only irritated the
condition. When I witnessed the
proliferating mounds that erupted over my body like a severe case
of chicken pox, I made a doctor’s appointment for that afternoon.
of chicken pox, I made a doctor’s appointment for that afternoon.
Suddenly,
the obnoxious sting became unbearable. Trembling
uncontrollably, my ballooning body
felt like it was going to explode.
A quivering lunatic, I clutched my cell
phone and keyed in
911. I then saw a microscopic gap open on my arm, and out
crawled what looked like a bug, a bug with wings. Swatting at the
bug, my stomach lurched, I ran into the bathroom.
A scream lodged in my throat as the intense pain shattered my
brain. Hunched over the commode, an army of arcane insects
ripped my skin apart and flit about the tiny room. The ubiquitous
throb somewhat subsided and my flesh resembled a pin-pricked
cushion of bloody holes.
brain. Hunched over the commode, an army of arcane insects
ripped my skin apart and flit about the tiny room. The ubiquitous
throb somewhat subsided and my flesh resembled a pin-pricked
cushion of bloody holes.
At the moment, I dragged in a choppy, whimpering breath, and
heard ominous buzzing. The walls were no longer peachy
colored, they were black and undulated.
Vibrating the room like an immense beehive were swarms of bizarre
winged insects. Horrified, I
watched them devour one another,
expanding in size and appeared like ravenous cannibals.
Run—
I thought instantly, run. I jerked, ready to bolt out the door
when the buzzing melted to a low hum. Looping my eyes around
the room, the insects seemed to notice my
presence. I froze.
The
last thing I remember, the bombardment of whirring
winged insects. And my
screams.
Aahhh! So creepy and yet I couldn't stop reading.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Rebecca.
DeleteThat is horrible. I'm shaking my head. The writing was great. The story was just, horrible. I loved it.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Nana, and congratulations on your new publication!
DeleteVery nice. My only suggestion is to stray from using "I then [insert action here]." The first person gave it a nice personable effect.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the great advice Patrick!
DeleteYou're really good at flash fiction, Cathy. I remember the hot fireman and the kitchen fire :)
ReplyDeleteI loved this one. Horror is my first love!
You're too kind, Debbie, thanks.
DeleteOh my gosh, this literally gave me the chills. It was like reading my worst nightmare! Great work, Cathy! :)
ReplyDeleteThanks for your vote of confidence, Julie.
DeleteGeesh Cathrina,
ReplyDeleteI'm sure glad that was fiction and you are not truly suffering from such a malady. Nothing like being the host of a hostile take over from the bug kingdom. Icky bug!
Fun story liked the bloated red leper line.
Blessings, Margot
Thank you Margot. Just a silly little story...
Deleteyikes!! Get out the bug spray, quick! ;)
ReplyDeleteThanks for the laugh out loud!
DeleteGreat work!!!
ReplyDeleteSarah Allen
(From Sarah With Joy)
Thanks, Sarah!
DeleteSign of a really good story...I am totally creeped out right now!
ReplyDeleteThanks for commenting Zoe
DeleteThe poor thing. One only hopes relief from the pursuit and insects has found our narrator now.
ReplyDeleteUgh, no.
DeleteYikes! Pretty horrific (the story, not the writing!) and I like how you ramped up the pace towards the end!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Nick, and thanks for commenting.
Deletevery good and super creepy! I would suggest to watch for verbs ending with -ing. At times simple past tense would be enough.
ReplyDeleteLove the story, hate the bugs. :o)
Thanks for the advice Aneta.
ReplyDeleteCreepy and well done! I agree on the "ing" comment. Good story!
ReplyDeleteShannon at The Warrior Muse
Thanks, Shannon..
DeleteBugs, we all hate them. What a great theme!
ReplyDelete